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Do You Speak Sheiklish?

  7:25aktualizováno  7:25
Expresially for iDNES.cz: Khalid Sheik Mohammad (KSM) Confesses Everything - in English! Now that the United States has finally managed "to break" al-Qaeda terrorist and 911 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammad, the world has finally learned of the enormous extent of not only the crimes he committed, but was also preparing to do.

Khalid was caught by authorities in Pakistan first, before he could commit any further crimes | foto: APČTK

popisekAngličtina na iDNES.cz
VŠECHNY LEKCE ZDE


Thankfully, Khalid was caught by authorities in Pakistan first, before he could commit any further crimes.

The following is an exclusive interview with "KSM", as he is affectionately known nowadays by his jail keepers, with iDNES and it is Expresially in English, just for readers of Kal’s Korner.

KSM "Spills the Beans"
iDNES: OK, KSM, you understand why those initials of yours are just terrible for Czechs to have to look at, don’t you?

KSM: What do you mean?

iDNES: I mean, look, the Czech Republic used to be called Czechoslovakia, and it used to be ruled by the Communist Party which today is KSCM, and their initials are pretty close to yours. How do you explain this fact, Sheik?

KSM: OK, I confess I used to be a Communist before becoming a conservative and joining al-Qaeda.

iDNES: OK, so the Americans eventually got you to confess after all of these years keeping you on ice.

How did they do it?
KSM: They played a very clever trick on me.

iDNES: What was this "clever trick"?

KSM: They tortured me.

iDNES: How can torture be clever, every country has done it.

KSM: But not the Americans as a rule. That’s why when they finally started doing it, it was pure torture.

iDNES: I thought that was the point! You said it yourself, torture.

KSM: Yes, but you still don’t understand. The Americans were no good at it! So it drove me nuts. They were amateurs. At least when they loaned us to other countries, we were tortured like real pros and would be mistreated like real men.

KSM’s Historic Confessions
iDNES: So what crimes did you finally confess to actually committing, other than being a Communist?

KSM: Everything that is important to America in this war against terrorism. I admit that I was the one who really shot JFK. I stood on that hill and because I shaved, no one recognized me. Besides, who speaks Arabic in Dallas Texas?

I also shot J.R. Ewing much later, but did it on TV, and I admit I did it for the money and the ratings.

I also admit that I am the only person who bribes people in the Czech Republic. I was so good at it, that the politicians would always get blamed!

I promise all Czechs, there are no corrupt politicians in your country. I also admit that I have tunneled many construction projects and properties. I also forced ex-Prime Minister Milos Zeman to drink at least one Becherovka each day, and smoke as many cigarettes as possible.

I also confess that I taught President Klaus everything he knows about economics. I tutored him ever since he was a small baby. I also taught him how to beat everyone’s ass in tennis, which he does.

Daffynitions

1. Conclusion -  when a person is tired of thinking about the problem.
2. Diet - a dirty, filthy, disgusting word that makes a person want to go wash their mouth out with a nice piece of chocolate.
3. Jury - 12 people who sit in Court and get to determine which client has the best lawyer.
4. Honeymoon - the only real time a man gets to relax before starting his new job working under his new boss.
5. Circular Definition - see definition, circular.
6. Bustard - a really rude and mean metro bus driver.
7. Tact - the fine art of making guests feel perfectly at home when the truth is, that is where you wish they really were.
8. Thesaurus - An ancient Dinosaur which has very large vocabulary.


Key Article Words in English

to break = rozbít
mastermind = vůdci
thankfully = naštěstí
further = další
nowadays = dnes
jail keepers = strážci
spills the beans = vyříkat
kepping you on ice = držet u ledu
tired of thinking = unavený přemýšlet
filthy = špinavý
disgusting = nechutný
jury = porota
honeymoon = svatební cesta, líbánky
making guests feel = naladit hosty
dinosaur = dinosaurus



Angličtina vychází od pondělí do pátku.

Najdete ji také v bezplatném deníku Metropolitní expres.
Kalovi pište na adresu: kal.korff@expresdenik.cz


Autor: , METRO






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